Smiles

Smile:

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
  There is no egg in plant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.  English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France .  Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
  We take English for granted but if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
  If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?   In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital or ship by truck and send cargo by ship or have noses that run and feet that smell?  How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?  
  You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off after it’s been switched on.  English was invented by people, not computers and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

The Twenty and the Five
A well-worn five pound note and a similarly distressed twenty-pound note arrived at the Bank of England to be retired.  As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.  The twenty-pound note reminisced about its travels all over the country.   "I've had a pretty good life.  I've been to Brighton and Blackpool,  the finest restaurants in London, bought rounds after lovely weddings and filled the petrol tanks of some great cars"
"Wow!" said the five-pound note, "You've really had an exciting life!"  "So tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?"  The five pound note replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church , the Baptist Church , and the Anglican Church "  The twenty-pound note interrupts, "What's a church?"

Smile

Notice outside shop:

“Ears pierced while you wait.”